Asking for Approval Feels Safe. That’s Why It’s Dangerous.
The Permission Trap That's Costing You Everything, and How to Fix It.
One of my mentees doubled her salary and joined a Fortune 100 company two weeks ago. Another just landed at OpenAI. They both started by ignoring the same advice everyone else follows.
"Hey Raj, I want to write more, exercise regularly, post on LinkedIn, learn AI..."
I hear this constantly from people I mentor - some even pay me hundreds to tell them what they already know they want to do. Here's the kicker: most never take action on what they promise themselves.
But those who do? They achieve extraordinary success.
The difference isn't talent, luck, or opportunity. It's something much simpler - and more uncomfortable.
The Permission Trap We've Built Around Ourselves
We've become masters at building walls around our desires. We've convinced ourselves that we need:
More time (while binge-watching Netflix)
Perfect plans (that we never execute)
External validation (from people too busy with their own problems to care)
The "right moment" (spoiler: it doesn't exist)
But here's what's really happening: you're asking for permission to live your own life.
Why We Stay Stuck (And How to Break Free)
1. The Paradox of Choice Paralysis
"I want to do everything, so I do nothing."
You've made a list of 47 things you want to achieve. Writing, fitness, career change, learning languages, AI certification - the whole ambitious buffet. Then you wonder why you're overwhelmed and accomplish none of it.
The fix:
Apply the Pareto Principle (aka the 80/20 rule) ruthlessly. Which 20% of your desires will give you 80% of the fulfillment? Choose those. Ignore the rest.
Yes, it means sacrificing some dreams. No, that's not settling - it's being strategic.
2. The Time Excuse (And Why It's Bullsh*t)
"I don't have time."
Really? You found time to scroll social media for 2 hours yesterday.
You binged that series last weekend.
You "don't have time" because you're scheduling life around obligations instead of priorities.
The ANCHOR method:
Schedule what matters FIRST. School pickup at 3PM, cooking meals at 10AM and 5PM, helping your kid at studies at 8PM - schedule them first. Life doesn’t stop. You’ll have to fit your desires around your obligations. Not the other way around.
I created the ANCHOR method for my own use. And I think you can use it, too.
It simply means:
Align with Reality: Note what matters the most first.
Name your essentials: Your routines and habits.
Calendar them: They must go in your calendar first. School pickup can’t wait for your cold shower.
Highlight your goals: Make your goals visible.
Outline clear wins: SMART stuff (specific, measurable…)
Rely on Accountability: Build some accountability.
3. The Capability Crisis
"What if I'm not good enough?"
Imposter syndrome whispers that you're a fraud waiting to be exposed. So, you never start, ensuring you'll never prove it wrong.
Reality check: Everyone feels like this. The difference between winners and wannabes? Winners feel the fear and act anyway.
- Your first article will suck.
- Your first workout will be painful.
- Your first attempt at anything will be amateur.
That's called being human, not being inadequate.
4. The All-or-Nothing Trap
"I'll lose 15 pounds, write 20 articles, and get promoted - all by March."
No, you won't. You'll burn out in two weeks and quit everything because you tried to sprint a marathon.
What to do instead:
Start stupid small: One push-up. One paragraph. One application. Build the habit first, then scale the intensity. Consistency beats intensity every single time.
If you need specific frameworks and tools - the read Tiny Habits or Atomic Habits. Both are great books.
5. The Fear Factor (And Why No One Actually Cares)
The spotlight effect makes you think everyone's watching, judging, waiting for you to fail.
Here's the truth that'll set you free: You're not that important to other people.
I have a simple philosophy:
- Those who like you will cheer your efforts.
- Those who ignore you don't matter. Ignore them.
- Those who dislike you won't help anyway. So why care.
Once you accept that everyone's too busy with their own problems to scrutinize your journey, you become unstoppable.
6. The Accountability Advantage
Self-discipline is overrated. What works is “skin in the game.”
I hired a personal trainer not because I didn't know how to exercise, but because I knew I'd quit without external accountability. Six months later, I feel great, look better, and have the routine locked in.
Find your accountability partner. Join a group. Pay for coaching. Put money on the line. When your wallet's involved, your commitment follows.
The AI-Powered Reality Check
We live in the most empowered era in human history.
Want to write? ChatGPT gives you ideas.
Want to learn? YouTube teaches everything.
Want to connect? The internet delivers your tribe.
Stop pretending you need more resources. You need more action.
Ask AI for writing ideas → Write something terrible → Ask AI to help you improve it → Publish it anyway → Repeat.
That's literally it. The tools exist. The knowledge is free. The only missing ingredient is you pressing "start."
The Bottom Line
You don't need another framework, another book, another guru telling you what you already know. You need to stop asking for permission to want what you want.
Your dreams aren't too big. Your timeline isn't too aggressive. Your resources aren't too limited.
You're just scared to begin.
And that's okay. Fear is the admission price to anything worthwhile. Pay it and move forward anyway.
You don't win the lottery without buying a ticket. Similarly, you don't change your life without taking the first step.
So go ahead -do what you want. Stop asking why. Start asking why not.
Ready to stop asking permission and start taking action?
If this resonated with you, hit subscribe and share it with someone who needs to hear it. Sometimes we all need a kick in the pants to remember we already have everything we need to begin.
*P.S. I'm launching an accountability group for tech professionals who are tired of talking and ready to act. Limited to 10 people. Message me if you're serious about making 2025 your breakthrough year.